I give up. I won’t pass my SOA exam on May 25. It’s not that I think poorly of myself, but because I’m convinced that I’m not ready and based on my assessment still won’t be ready in three weeks.
Actually, I’m a stubborn man. I dig stress. Sometimes, I pray for it for kicks. Funny thing, most of the time, I do get away with it. So far God always spoiled me. But, I think not this time.
When I was in college, there was a term when I took 6 math subjects, excluding the 1-unit thesis prep. I didn’t purposely ask for it – just a product of desperation. Awa ng Diyos pasa naman lahat, tatlo nga lang ang tres. I even took 2 sems on overload – one 22-unit and a 23-unit overload. My adviser and registrar allowed me just because it’s my final year. I wished then to graduate on time, and god-willing, I did.
I guess sometimes it pays to be a little ignorant. Not knowing the difficulty / impossibility of certain feat removes the fear and the negative preconditioning that goes with it. This fear multiplies the degree of difficulty. Clueless, you’ll just realize the mistake you did when you’re in the middle of everything. By then, you’ll be praying and will be giving everything you’ve got. Most of the time you’ll manage to get out of the mess you made. Sometimes, you won’t. Nonetheless, in the end, you would’ve shown your true potential.
Lately, I have a jam-packed schedule. I’m taking my masters and will take an actuarial exam. Mukha pang sabay ang midterm exam at SOA exam sa 25. It seems that uncooperating fate also added up to my burden by suddenly doubling my workload, increasing the urgency of jobs, and adding club post responsibilities (which i'm thankful for).
At times like these, I’m reminded of our individual crosses… how to embrace these crosses and to love them. We must not lazily drag it around, but to carry it squarely on our backs. It is the challenge, it is the spice of life.
PS. Bwisit na PS2! Because of the exam, I had to rush in finishing Metal Gear 2. Kaso nung natapos, tinapos korin yung MG3. Tapos ngayon, Ace Combat at Imashime naman. Di pako nakabili ng Dirge of Cerberus e.
