Chance favors those who persists

I give up. I won’t pass my SOA exam on May 25. It’s not that I think poorly of myself, but because I’m convinced that I’m not ready and based on my assessment still won’t be ready in three weeks. 

Actually, I’m a stubborn man. I dig stress. Sometimes, I pray for it for kicks. Funny thing, most of the time, I do get away with it. So far God always spoiled me. But, I think not this time.

When I was in college, there was a term when I took 6 math subjects, excluding the 1-unit thesis prep. I didn’t purposely ask for it – just a product of desperation. Awa ng Diyos pasa naman lahat, tatlo nga lang ang tres. I even took 2 sems on overload – one 22-unit and a 23-unit overload. My adviser and registrar allowed me just because it’s my final year. I wished then to graduate on time, and god-willing, I did.

I guess sometimes it pays to be a little ignorant. Not knowing the difficulty / impossibility of certain feat removes the fear and the negative preconditioning that goes with it. This fear multiplies the degree of difficulty. Clueless, you’ll just realize the mistake you did when you’re in the middle of everything. By then, you’ll be praying and will be giving everything you’ve got. Most of the time you’ll manage to get out of the mess you made. Sometimes, you won’t. Nonetheless, in the end, you would’ve shown your true potential.

Lately, I have a jam-packed schedule. I’m taking my masters and will take an actuarial exam. Mukha pang sabay ang midterm exam at SOA exam sa 25. It seems that uncooperating fate also added up to my burden by suddenly doubling my workload, increasing the urgency of jobs, and adding club post responsibilities (which i'm thankful for).

At times like these, I’m reminded of our individual crosses… how to embrace these crosses and to love them. We must not lazily drag it around, but to carry it squarely on our backs. It is the challenge, it is the spice of life.

PS. Bwisit na PS2! Because of the exam, I had to rush in finishing Metal Gear 2. Kaso nung natapos, tinapos korin yung MG3. Tapos ngayon, Ace Combat at Imashime naman. Di pako nakabili ng Dirge of Cerberus e.

Running after a snatcher and myself

Yesterday, in Festival mall, I was lazily walking alone when I saw a guy in gray shirt and shorts running towards me. Then, farther away, a woman was shouting, begging for someone to stop the runner.

In a split-second, I made a round-house sweep kick hitting the runner’s feet as he ran by me. With this van dame move, the runner stumbled hard. After falling and seeing stars, he just lay there embracing the black bag he's carrying. Other people surrounded us, all eye on the guy.

But that never really happened. Even though I had foreseen  that at sometime I may actually use this move which I saw on TV, I was lazy enough to perform it. Was it laziness, poise conscious, or was I just shocked and overwhelmed?  

One thing I learned, I seldom make the right decision from just 1 or 2 seconds of case assessment. My mind doesn’t work that fast so I just do… I don’t think.

Seriously, If I am to stop someone from passing me, that hard sweep is ideal. I can even make a simple trip and yet be effective. I can block the guy and tackle him. If I can be hard on him, I can push him off the rails and let him fall three festival floors. But, you know what I did? I just grabbed hold of the black bag he’s carrying – the most effortless move.

Because of that, I accidentally managed to slightly open the bag. Several things fell from it. The guy looked back at the things that fell, and then he looked at me. He seemed cheerful, like he’s playing. No feeling of remorse, anger or fear. I didn’t know what came over me but I instinctively ran after him. Unfortunately, I think it was just for show. I knew I can run faster than him but I didn’t. Thinking back, I still wonder why.

As I was running, I can see the people we're passing. They’re just there… watching. I shouted at a big man in front of the runner but he just looked at us. No one is doing a thing. Soon, I got tired, and stopped pursuing the guy when I saw another man running after him.

Even though I did something, I’m not satisfied with how I acted. I feel miserable. I guess I’m just like those apathetic people I used to hate. Maybe even worse, I’m an I-don’t-care man who does things half-heartedly – probably just for show. No heart, just for show.

Later, I overheard from guards with walkie-talkies that the guy was caught. I asked dad if he also knew about the snatcher. He said that the black bag may have been really his, that the guy may not be a snatcher after all. Apparently, a lady who showed up never really took the bag but tried to hit the guy in fury instead.  

It is a good thing I didn’t stop the guy using a more violent means. If I did, I may regret it. 

***

Kung isnatcher yun at may kasama, malamang sinaksak ako kapag pinatid ko. Kung pinatid ko naman at nabagok ang ulo’t namatay o kaya itinulak para mahulog nang tatlong palapag, baka ma-guilty ako kung malamang nanghipo lang pala sha nang babae. Haay, anghirap talagang magpakabayani.

Man in Rust Suicide

         

As I was looking through the pages of my math book, I woke up to something disturbing… I forgot my logarithms, exponents, and calculus. This is very alarming, because I was supposed to take an actuarial exam this May. Now, before I can move on with my review, I have to brushup my basics. And believe me, it isn’t easy.

This is where my past notes come in. They give me what no books and reviewers combined can; take me back to memory lane. The minute I look in its pages, everything I’ve learned seeps back into my mind. Forged there are the trade secrets and strong associations between my notebooks and my lessons. I can never take them lightly.

Ayun, ay kung nagno-notes ako! At kung mahahanap ko pa. Ama, ama, where art thou?

Ok, since I don’t have my notes that gives me my only option – find my calculus book. Unfortunately, I think mom already gave them away.

Now, I have only two weeks to be in tiptop shape. When classes begin, I don’t think I’d have any more time for this dreadful SOA exam. Come to think of it, what took over this f*cked-up mind that I’d waste money over this exam I can’t even review for.

O well, rock on! Wishing for more pencil-pushing time.
—
It’s really depressing when you found out that you already forgot the skills which you thought you’re good at. Stripped bare, you can’t help but feel so down, in a slump. You have to rebuild your confidence in it and start anew, hoping to get the command over the said skill once again. But you remain helpless, at the mercy of your rusty mind. This separates a mediocre from a genius. Too bad, I’m not the latter.

Help: Prayer making

I was tasked to lead the company prayer every friday morning. For this year, we are to make a new prayer. I borrowed the prayer made by an inspired manager here and tried to put some of my ideas in it. I shamefully grabbed snippets from made prayers here and there too.

Almighty God, we your unworthy servants give you our most humble and heartfelt thanks for all your goodness and loving-kindness. We thank you for all the blessings of this life and also we praise you for your immeasurable love in the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ. Give us true repentance for our sins. Grant us unfailing respect for others, complete confidence in you Lord, and the grace of the Holy Spirit to live our lives according to your holy word.

Lord, bless the company – from the employees to its management. Endue us with your holy spirit as we perform our duties in wisdom and equity for the benefit our members. Guide us in giving up ourselves to your service, and by walking before you, in holiness and righteousness.

We also lift up to you the safe-keeping of our members and their families. Shield them from harm, keep them under your divine protection, and grant them peace and serenity. Reward their selflessness in performing their duties for the citizens and our country.

Lord, as one people we ask for unity and solidarity among our leaders in government and other institutions. Unite us into one flock, turning all circumstances and events in our lives into opportunities to love you and serve your kingdom.

All these we ask in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Amen.

Care to make some comments? With your help, we can polish this beautifully and maybe make it more appropriate for the company. Your say on the matter will be very much appreciated. Thank you!

All things are pretty

popeye’s mom

An officemate once asked me to make her a collage full of her favorite actor’s pictures. She said she’s willing to enlarge it, and make it a wall-sized tarpaulin, and then hang it on her room. I asked her why would she do that when it is rumored, and confirmed by my gay barber, that her favored actor is an actress. Then she said, “Paki mo!” It seems that she likes the actress for what she really is. Call that unconditional love if you like. Oh well, I’ll just put lipstick on the pictures on her collage.

Some things and people are really pretty to look at. For me, maybe never a picture of a man, but there are always a lot of pretty things for your eyes to feast on. Some got to do with colors; a well-structured color mix can stimulate positive emotions. Some, with perfect symmetry of things, a wonder brought about by conceptualized forms. Others are fond with interesting things that catch their full attention and tickle their playful imagination. In any case, you’ll be happy even with a simple glance.

I believe that beauty can be seen when and where you really would want to see them. Everything and everybody is beautiful and pleasing to the eye- it’s just a manner of looking at them that determines which side of beauty you can actually focus on. I guess, with this line of thinking, everybody is attractive in their own special way and by their own exclusive right.

Looking for beauty is a healthy exercise. Sometimes it’s just hard to see because of our negative feelings for the subject which we unconsciously nurture inside us. But once we get passed that, you’ll be surprised that even the witch or the bitch we’re so pissed at is beautiful.

You don’t have to be in Tagaytay or Calaruega to feel real beauty… you just have to look at the one beside you. But then again, if the beauty is not innate, you just have to will it – parang 3d picture.

I guess that’s the same reason why our moms don’t seem to age and remain beautiful in our eyes – because we find their beauty, Exquisite.

Men and Mystery

I have this question that bugged me since I was in high school. What is it in breasts that they seem to catch men’s attention. I’ve heard from Sienfeld that men are obsessed with cleavage as women to shoes. He said that everytime it was presented to us (maybe “them” men for that matter) we have to look. Anyway, to some it became like a reflex action. They don’t need to look and they don’t want to look, so the minute their eyes would take them there, they’d control their urges and look the other way. Unfortunately, most of the time, reason came in too late.

Writing

Why do I write? I can’t say that I’m writing for my friends. That’s too presumptuous, and probably, would seem arrogant that I assumed somebody is really reading this crap. I can’t even say that I’m writing just for myself either. That’s hypocrisy. I’m not writing for the good of mankind or for world peace either. I guess, to be safe, I’m just writing because I love to write. Just as Seinfeld love to speak about nothing, I do love to write about nothing.

Lately, I haven’t written anything that I devoted my time into. I think my last is when I’ve fallen in love with someone. Now, the tide has changed and the lukewarmness in my desire to write continues.

For myself, I’m trying to figure out the reason for these numbness and sometimes fondness in writing. What triggers this love of mine for writing? Are there seasons? Do I love to write when I’m happy or when I’m sad? When do I feel inspired?

Lately, I’ve heard of this wonderful song. It is a religious song which I think is quite pleasant to hear again and again. “O Hesus, hilumin mo aking sugatang puso nang aking mahango kapwa kong kasing bigo”.

Now, surprisingly, I think I’m making progress. I’m beginning to write again.

By the way, I don’t want to write about the same things twice. But sometimes, you just love to write. I’m not sure if I wrote something about this in the past. If I did, well I guess I’m on that same season now. Hopefully, in the future I can write about something interesting and worthwhile.

UPMBA or Regis?

I’m getting an MBA. I took exams from Ateneo and UP. Passed Ateneo’s; awaiting UP’s result. Since UP may give the result long after Ateneo’s 1st day of classes, I’m in a fix. Let’s see where would my feet lead me.

The IQ tests given by Ateneo is far harder than UP’s. Ateneo gave mind-boggling logic exam too. From experience, I guess you should never mix that type of exam and bottles of beer the night before. If you did, you’re toast. On the other hand, UP’s no-look-back reading comprehension exam made me look like a fool. Baka bumagsak pako sa UP dahil nun. UPMBA students said that after passing the qualifying exam, you’d still be given technical exams before enrollment. Hooah, second screening!

After the exam on Ateneo, the registrar talked to us and mentioned that his school got the most outstanding grad school cluster rating according to CHED. Gusto kong taasan nang kilay, kaso lalaki ako. But don’t get me wrong, I do admit that there may be some truth to that report. But then again, most probably, the study excludes UP and AIM.

UP parin!!!

AI dunk

Best dunk i’ve seen.
here’s the link: http://www.nba.com/allstar2006/gallery/Iguodala_1.html

Johari Window

Psych 101 – What others know about you and me

• I forgot the html codes for linking pages

• I copied AJ’s post for the day

• http://kevan.org/johari?name=whitherquick

Click and make one for yourself.